Cheat Sheet: COVID Conversation Tips
RelationShips: choppy waters in the time of COVID.
Countless medical experts will confirm what we’ve seen with our own eyes this year: No two people react to stress the same way. The phenomenon is heightened when every person we encounter is quite literally a potential lethal threat. And unlike in pre-COVID life, when maybe just one or two friends encountered major life disruption at a time, we are now all in it at once. Naturally, this has brought up some stuff. And it is hitting way down deep, right in our core beliefs. After years spent actively avoiding boundary-setting, we are all doing just that, like it or not. No to your dinner party (are you serious?). No to flying there for the holiday. Will you mask the f up already?
We’re in the same leaky boat—so we claim no moral authority—but we wanted to share some advice that gave us sea legs this year.
Reality check your risk.
It’s important to share your tolerance for COVID risk with others—and make it a declarative sentence, full stop. You certainly need not apologize for it; it’s your cultivated point of view. But when you work from a place of you show me yours, I’ll show you mine, you can have a much more productive conversation. As that tolerance may evolve with understanding about the disease and advice from public health officials, make sure to keep your peeps updated.
Silence the chatter.
As in, put away the texts, DMs and emails. COVID confabs are hella fraught and nuanced, and shorter digital missives don’t serve them well—especially when we tend to project our assumptions and emotions on messages sent into the digital ether. An old-school phone call or video chat lets you give-and-take the finer points and human elements of the conversation.
Find your place of yes.
Figure out something you can offer. If a friend suggests an off-the-risk-chart meet and greet, bring up a back-up. Not comfortable dining in a restaurant (even al fresco)? Throw out a takeout adventure at a healthy distance, or a masked walk, instead. Or get creative on a virtual visit: Play a game or show-and-tell a treasure by telling the story behind it. If you’re the one with the greater risk tolerance, try offering a range of options so your friend can find their yes, too.
Don’t be a Judge Judy.
We loved this steer from Marci Gleason at the University of Texas: Don’t frame coronavirus choices as right or wrong (even if you think they are). No one reacts particularly well to being criticized, so in getting your point across be sure that you acknowledge the other person’s point of view. Keep your statements about you and your risk tolerance—not about the person listening.
Let it go.
It’s natural that with strong feelings and core values at play, we may find some relationships take us a bridge too far. Try to be ok with that. Maybe under different conditions, the friendship will come back together; maybe it won’t. But in the meantime, holding onto an anxiety-provoking relationship probably outweighs the benefit.
