Host Your Holiday Gatherings with Purpose
Gathering anew.
One of our favorite pre-pandemic reads was The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, so we were curious to see how author Priya Parker evolved her thinking during COVID. The verdict after receiving her newsletter, consuming her podcast, Together Apart, and watching her SXSW keynote? Her lessons are still relevant AF. We were already thinking harder about our gatherings (which Parker defines as “any time three or more people come together for a purpose with a beginning, middle and end”) after reading her book, and now we have an even greater drive to make the most of our precious time together.
Pick a purpose.
While this might seem fairly obvious when it comes to the holidays, getting specific about the purpose of any gathering is crucial. In the absence of clear goals, time together might fall into lazy habits and never quite give everyone the meaningful experience you all crave. It is also important to factor in what the gathering purpose should be in a specific year—a theme for your holiday get-togethers, if you will. For example, you might also be thinking that this year should confer our gratitude for each other (and not taking for granted any time spent together). Brainstorming a purpose with others might also help to make sure you’re all on the same page.
Be a heavy-handed host.
One of our biggest learnings from Parker’s book: Being a hands-off host is a real disservice to others. Of course, no one wants a tyrant, but leaving your guests adrift is not appreciated either. As Parker reminds us, “Who wants to sail on a skipperless ship?” The first step is admitting that hosting does give you power—and making sure you don’t abdicate it—because your guests won’t be left alone, they’ll be left to each other...and something (like a dominant guest or a “pretender”) will fill the vacuum you’ve left (spoiler alert: you really might not like how that turns out). And your hosting is not done after the beginning of the gathering—you are in for the whole thing. Parker advises that you rule with “generous authority,” which is “imposing in a way that serves your guests.”
Document it.
More than ever, we’re thinking about all of the gatherings we wasted by not being intentional— and that has us thinking, what are some things we can uniquely do when we’re with the ones we love? Literally no one ever has said they wished they had fewer pictures and stories from loved ones lost. So why not use your gatherings to build up our stores of both? Taking a cue from wedding planners everywhere, we’ll be building in time for photos, with a “shot list” of desired pics. We plan to nominate our best photog (or school up from our feature on headshots) and share our digital bounty with our crew after. Another you-had-to-be-there moment: interviewing our elders. Time set aside to learn more about your favorite grown-ups is time well spent, indeed.
Prep your guests.
Remember how Parker suggested your gatherings have a purpose—and a beginning, middle and end? Well, sharing the deets (she suggests even naming the event thematically to prime its purpose) with your guests might set your gathering up for success and will definitely start your hosting off right. Parker often talks about seeding a question, so everyone can share their responses come meal time. We especially love the idea to share a story about a moment or experience that changed how your guest viewed the world—a story no one else at the gathering already knows. Let the meaning flow.
