Make New Friends As an Adult
You’ve got a (new) friend.
Midlife shifts—new projects, interests and places—are sure to reawaken your new-friend making skills, perhaps with higher standards than before. As Jerry Seinfeld famously joked, “Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody....what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown-up? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!” But just because our BFF qualifications have evolved, doesn’t mean you won’t find a new pinky-swearing partner in crime.
Find your friend zone.
We see you being a great friend, so we know you already understand the care and feeding a good friendship takes—and that every friend-like encounter doesn’t lead to best buds-ville. Sometimes we meet someone and truly spark; we share mutual interests and can already imagine doing a million things together. Other, pleasant encounters with new acquaintances might be just that. Maybe the only follow-up is a follow or a link-in, but you can look to invest your time and future plans on connections that will pay emotional dividends.
Join away.
Mutual interests are a solid starting point for new relationships, given their self-selecting nature. We’ve made some great friends over the years in no small part thanks to running clubs, a love of theater and good food. Starting with a shared passion will kickstart new friendships like nothing else. So if you’re on the hunt for some new BFFs, we suggest starting with joining a group where you’ll find fellow fans of something you already love.
Just say yes.
Invites from a local organization? Invites from the museum you belong to? Invites from an acquaintance? Your answer should be yes to all of the above if your aim is to widen your circle for some new people. If RSVPing yes is more bearable with a time limit in mind for the honor of your presence, by all means; that way, if the event is a snoozer you won’t have sacrificed too much of your time. You may find yourself staying past your self-imposed Irish exit, but that would be a good thing.
Tagalong.
Hear (note to self: NOT eavesdrop) some friends or coworkers discussing something that sounds like your jam? Ask if you can be their plus one. If they are discussing it in front of you, chances are it isn’t meant to be exclusive, but use your grown-up judgment. Leave them an easy out if more isn’t merrier, but do let them know you’re keen to come with.
